Some people think that secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Color Key for Feedback:

• 🔴 Red highlights issues related to Lexical Resource – such as word choice, spelling, and vocabulary repetition.

• 🟢 Green indicates feedback on Grammatical Range and Accuracy – including subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure.

• 🟡 Yellow points out problems with Coherence and Cohesion – such as sentence flow, linking devices, and clarity of ideas.

  Prompt:

Some people think that secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Overall Band Score Estimate: 5 - 5.5 ⭐️

🟡 Coherence and Cohesion: Band 5

• Logical Structure: The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting opposing views, and a conclusion.

• Transition: The transition from the introduction to the first body paragraph is abrupt. Transitions between the two body paragraphs ("On the one hand," "On the other hand") are present but basic. The transition to the conclusion ("In conclusion") is clear.

• Introduction & Conclusion:

  • The introduction attempts to rephrase the prompt but contains grammatical errors and lacks a clear topic sentence outlining the essay's scope. It also incorrectly states "elementary school students" instead of "secondary school students" as mentioned in the prompt.

  • The conclusion summarizes the main points but introduces a slightly different focus by emphasizing globalization making things "near than expected," which wasn't a central point in the body paragraphs.

• Click here to learn writing introduction and conclusion in discussion essay.

• Supported Main Points: The essay attempts to support the main points (time-wasting vs. benefits of cultural awareness) but lacks relevant examples and explanation in both body paragraphs.

• Accurate Linking Words: Basic linking words like "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "for example," and "thus" are used. Many cohesive devices are overused, however. You can use synonyms and pronouns to link sentences better, rather than relying heavily on the repetition of words.

• Paragraphing: Paragraphing is present but could be improved by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single, well-developed idea.

🔴 Lexical Resource: Band 4

• Varied Vocabulary: Vocabulary is limited and repetitive. Words like "news," "students," "school," and "study" are used frequently.

• Accurate Spelling & Word Formation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors:

  • "waste" → wastes

  • "debates" → discuss

  • "opionion" → opinion

  • "internations" → international

  • "futher" → further

  • "travelors" → travelers

  • "oversea" → overseas

  • "benefical" → beneficial

  • "argues" → argue

• Collocations: There are issues with collocation and word choice:

  • "give no advantages" → does not benefit

  • "currently live" → currently living

  • "assist student" → assist students

  • "people who is different" → people who are different

  • "this day after the globalization" → nowadays with globalization

  • "a guidance" → guidance

  • "travel for holiday" → travel for holidays

  • "school students to international news" → secondary school students learning about international news

  • "many people travelling" → a large number of people traveling or many travelers

  • "near than expected" → nearer than expected

🟢 Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 4

• Mix of Complex & Simple Sentences: The essay primarily uses simple sentence structures. Whenever, there is any attempt to incorporate complex sentences in structures, it ends up in multiple grammatical and structural errors.

• Learn how to write variety of sentences in any IELTS writing exam.

• Accuracy: There are frequent grammatical errors:

  • Subject-verb agreement: "it waste," "this could benefit ... as it assist," "others argues."

  • Verb tense issues: inconsistent tense usage in some sentences.

  • Article usage: missing or incorrect articles ("the globalization").

  • Pronoun usage: unclear pronoun reference in some instances.

  • Preposition usage: occasional incorrect prepositions.

  • Pluralization: "millions," "travelors."

🔵 Task Achievement: Band 6

• Complete Response: The essay attempts to address both views and provide an opinion.

• Clear & Comprehensive Ideas: Ideas have not been developed with sufficient explanation and relevant examples. The first paragraph is extremely short to do any justice to the opinion stated.

• Relevant & Specific Examples: The example of tourists visiting Japan is somewhat relevant to the point about cultural awareness but lacks specific details, such as "many of these tourists experiencing issues due to culture differences".

• Appropriate Word Count: ✅ For higher bands, try reaching 280 words or more.