Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Color Key for Feedback:

• 🔴 Red highlights issues related to Lexical Resource – such as word choice, spelling, and vocabulary repetition.

• 🟢 Green indicates feedback on Grammatical Range and Accuracy – including subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure.

• 🟡 Yellow points out problems with Coherence and Cohesion – such as sentence flow, linking devices, and clarity of ideas.

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Overall Band Score: 6

⭐️

🟡 Coherence and Cohesion: Band 6

• Logical Structure: This essay follows a clear plan of introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
• Transition: Transition from the introduction to the first body paragraph is quite abrupt. Otherwise, appropriate transitions are made throughout the essay.
• Introduction & Conclusion:
o The introduction does not contain a topic sentence and is too long to be effective.
o The introduction and conclusion suggest you may not fully understand the difference between an advantage-disadvantage essay and a discussion essay. Consider reviewing both structures.
o The conclusion adequately summarizes the key points; however, it is too long and introduces an extra point about "age" which is irrelevant to the main argument. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
• Supported Main Points:
o The essay generally supports the main points, though more elaboration is needed in places.
• Accurate Linking Words:
o Linking words such as "on the other hand" and "for example" are used accurately. However, there is repetition—try using "for instance," "moreover," or "consequently" for variety.
o Paragraphing is mostly correct, but consider breaking up longer sentences to improve flow.

🔴 Lexical Resource: Band 6

• Varied Vocabulary:
o You have used some strong words like "innate," "capable," and "genius," but heavy repetition of words like "students" and "technology" lowers your score. Use synonyms or pronouns where appropriate.
• Accurate Spelling & Word Formation:
o The essay contains multiple spelling errors:
▪ "musicl" → musical
▪ "maths" → mathematics
▪ "Nobel" → noble
o Also, the phrase “unfulfilled” should be “unfulfilled life.” Don't drop key nouns.
• Collocations:
o Collocations are off in places:
▪ "cons and pro" → should be "pros and cons"
▪ "use us of technology" → incorrect structure. Should be "use of technology"
o Aim to use natural combinations of words. Consider reading sample Band 9 essays to observe common pairings.

🟢 Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band 5

• Mix of Complex & Simple Sentences:
o There is a clear attempt to use complex sentence structures, which is appreciated. However, this leads to run-on sentences and grammatical confusion in several places.
o Keep your sentences focused—avoid connecting too many ideas with "and" or "but."
• Accuracy:
o Frequent subject-verb agreement issues:
▪ “knowledge... are” → should be “knowledge... is”
▪ "its innate creativity" → should be "their" to match the plural subject "students"
o Punctuation is also inconsistent (missing commas, incorrect quotation marks). Consider proofreading carefully.

🔵 Task Achievement: Band 6.5

• Complete Response:
o The essay responds to the task and presents a position.
o However, your supporting ideas need more depth. For example, the Einstein quote is relevant but not clearly tied back to your main argument.
• Clear & Comprehensive Ideas:
o Your ideas are mostly clear, but need refining. For example, the introduction of “age” as a factor comes without any prior discussion or relevance—avoid this.
• Relevant & Specific Examples:
o Examples are relevant (e.g., artistic student forced into science) but could be strengthened by briefly explaining real-world implications or a short hypothetical case. Learn writing hypothetical scenarios here.
• Appropriate Word Count: ✅

Learn how to write a stronger discussion essay and improve your performance in lexical resource, grammatical range and accuracy, task response, and coherence and cohesion by exploring the resources on our website.

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